Everything is so frustrating lately. Why does my life ALWAYS have to be DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA! It never stops, ever. Maybe I'm just being a little over dramatic, maybe I find these problems on my own. I don't know, but I do know that I'm sick of alot of things. I'm sick of not knowing who I am anymore, I'm sick of the good path I keep getting lost on. Dope? I'm becoming a fucking dope head. How great is that? I don't even have my common sense anymore. I hate drugs. Why am I smoking dope? Why am I buying it? It only makes me feel and look more stupid, yet I know this and I do it again. I'm turning into the one thing I feared most since I found out I was adopted. My mom, my biological mom. I need to stop before I turn into her and let everyone down. Right now I've never felt so conceiled by my thoughts, I feel like I'm lost in a dream. You know those dreams that don't really make sence at all and your kind of just walking around floating not really knowing anything or having any normal trace of thought, your just there. I feel like that right now, and I'm awake. Wide awake yet I feel kind of dead.

School. I'm falling behind and I need to pass this year and I'd like to do that with decent marks, I have three weeks left of this shit. I need to pull threw. I need to wake up from my dreamworld madness of nothing. I need to feeel and concentrate and focus, I need to get out of this awful dead trance I feel I'm in. You'd think knowing, knowing and thinking and telling myself that I need to snap out of it would be enough but apparently I'm not and as emo as this journal already is I seriously feel like a lost soul. I feel like when things happen around me I'm just going threw the motions and time is non existent. Nothing feels real, everything feels like a dream that doesn't make any sence. It does make sence though, everything has reason, everything does make sense, but nothing feels like anything is happening. I feel lost. I don't know who I am, or where I want to go, and I feel ashamed because I feel like I am nothing. Just a person walking around with a mind. With thoughts that don't even make sence. Does this even make any sense? This is me opening up btw. This is me speaking my mind loud and clear as day. See why I don't do it often? See why I never speak? Does this make sence? I sound like an insane person wouldn't you agree? I sound like a trainreck. No one likes trainrecks. This person, right now, I keep it away for a reason. All these thoughts are things I have to figure out on my own, somehow and get threw them. I can't just go around talking like this. I sound retarded.